January 2012
2 posts
Okcupid Bingo
In my previous job, I used to be a big fan of Buzzword Bingo. It helped to cut through the boredom of our regular branch meetings. The boss would never let us down, over-using wanky management buzzwords like ‘cognisant’, ‘paradigm’ or ‘synergy’. My favourite was ‘copacetic’.
So how about okcupid profile bingo? Here’s an example bingo card I...
Good advice
And then Erast Fandorin said in a squeaky but perfectly clear voice, “Tell me about her. About Bezhetskaya.”
Zurov tossed an exuberant lock of hair back from his forehead. “Ah yes, I forgot. You’re from the train.”
“From where?”
“That’s what I call it. Amalia—she’s a queen, after all—she needs a train, a train of men. The longer the better. Take a piece of well-meant advice: put her out of your...
December 2011
2 posts
Indeed
Vimes was smoking a cigar with great pleasure. Somehow this seemed the time and the place. Snuff was all very well, but a good cigar had time and wisdom and personality. He would be unhappy to see this one go.
- Snuff, Terry Pratchett
Spotted on another dating site
The opening line of someone’s profile:
“ANGLE ….. haylo rapped around my ankles”
Words fail me.
November 2011
5 posts
We live under the same sky
Why would I have such an intense dream about you after all this time? We didn’t say a word yet it was so vivid, so profound, so real and so horribly bittersweet that I could think about little else for days.
I guess it didn’t help that I’d tried to email you a few weeks ago (and got no reply). Stupid subconscious.
Chapter 5
A cat met up with a big male rat in the attic and chased him into a corner. The rat, trembling, said, “Please don’t eat me, Mr. Cat. I have to go back to my family. I have hungry children waiting for me. Please let me go.” The Cat said, “Don’t worry, I won’t eat you. To tell you the truth, I can’t say this too loudly, but I’m a vegetarian. I don’t...
Your friendly neighbourhood curmudgeon
My neighbourhood is usually really quiet apart from a dog a few doors away who likes to bark now and then for no particular reason. (Incidentally, from the sound of it, it’s probably a tiny dog but there’s a evil note to its bark that suggests the creature was spawned in the fiery pits of hell.)
Anyway, recently I’ve noticed a disturbing new trend. If I wake up with a headache,...
Finally!
Either I’m funny or the world’s funny, I don’t know which. The bottle and lid don’t fit. It could be the bottle’s fault or the lid’s fault. In either case, there’s no denying the fit is bad.
brb
Bobbing in the ocean
Tonight I’ve ingested caffeine (espresso), alcohol (port), chocolate and now melatonin. Perhaps I like to keep my brain:
on its toes
off balance
guessing
October 2011
4 posts
"A lie cannot live" (unless it's on the internet)
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
At the start of this year I came across this quote (probably in another okcupid user’s journal) and I decided to apply it to my life. It’s a simple philosophy, it’s easy enough to comply with and it certainly saves you some heartbreak.
Ever since then, I’ve seen the quote...
A good heart these days is hard to find
Recently I’ve been thinking my “what I’m looking for” section needs updating, so it felt like fate when I ran across this gem while reading last night:
A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe. And...
*crickets*
A few nights ago, I was walking towards the front of the house and I could hear what sounded like a strange hum. It was constant, loud and an odd pitch. Initially I thought it might be my neighbour’s air-conditioner but it didn’t have that muted, dull droning that I’m accustomed to.
As I neared the front door, I realised the sound was a cricket chirping. However, the noise was...
Groping for the right word
After a week of a nastier than usual Herxheimer reaction compounded by 3-4 days of antibiotics, I was trying to explain to a friend how I felt in one word. Of course, being under the weather means that accomplishing this task is considerably more difficult than usual.
‘Groggy’ was rejected on the basis that it has connotations with alcohol and implies that fun was involved....
September 2011
3 posts
Conversations at checkouts and a mystery solved
Last week, I was at the checkout at my local supermarket and I’d just given my re-usable shopping bag (plastic bags being banned in ‘enlightened’ South Australia) to the checkout girl. Upon opening the bag, she exclaimed:
“There’s, like*, a bug in here!”
Sure enough, there was a small earwig crawling around in the bottom of the bag so I apologised...
Hybrids
The large pine tree that is usually in my courtyard was in my dining room last night. I could see something small, grey and soft-looking sitting in the branches. I originally thought it was a koala, however on closer inspection, the creature turned out to be some sort of koala-raccoon-possum-lemur hybrid. It looked at me through large, golden eyes and I stared back at it for a while.
Eventually...
Of cathedrals in the sky.... and owls.. giant owls
When I’m rather sick, I tend to sleep very little but my dreams are usually intense, vivid and bizarre. The entertainment value from such dreams is so great that it’s almost as if my mind is knowingly compensating me for the insomnia.
I wish I had the talent (either with words or paint) to be able to record these dreams somehow. Where else can you get such diverting, thought-provoking...
August 2011
2 posts
Movie review: Robot Jox
This movie is so terrible it defies description, so I thought it best to compare it to another terrible robot movie: Terminator Salvation (which is on TV tonight coincidentally). The story, writing, acting, sets, special effects (wait until you see the awesome flying car that has a remote control that is almost as big as the car!) are all awful!
However it is unintentionally funny and...
July 2011
1 post
Juxtaposition
I found it amusing that I was given both these books for my birthday recently.
One is slightly vitriolic, occasionally funny polemic about totalitarianism and the other is a collection of quotes of Christopher Hitchens.
June 2011
2 posts
I'm no Superman...
On days when I’m really sick I like to wear my Superman t-shirt. It’s comforting for some reason but I’m not exactly sure why that is.
Perhaps it’s because I feel like if I can get through this, I can do anything.
Come, Mister Taliband
Last year Australia’s Prime Minister raised eyebrows when she appeared to refer to the ‘Taliban’ as the ‘Taliband’. She does have a rather odd accent (to put it mildly), so many commentators gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed she had been misheard.
Then in April she pronounced ‘hyperbole’ as ‘hyperbowl’. This sort of mistake...
May 2011
2 posts
A message from the future
Dear Americans
Thanks to the wonders of international timezones, I am speaking to you from the future. From 6.20pm on 21 May in fact. That’s right, it is 20 minutes after the end of the world was supposed to occur.
I can quite happily report that apart from some rather ominous sounding thunder at 5.50pm, the rapture has not taken place.There has been no sign of the four horseman and no-one...
My niece cracks me up
On the weekend I went to my nephew’s super-hero party mentioned in the previous post. As you can see, I went as Clark Kent who couldn’t find anywhere to change (since there aren’t any phoneboxes anymore).
During lunch, I was doing my best to annoy my niece (who was dressed as Supergirl) by tickling her. She was determined not to cave in and laugh, and yelled “Supergirl doesn’t have time...
April 2011
2 posts
The gene responsible for Super Villains found!
Are you at risk?
My nephew is having a superhero costume party for his fourth birthday. Not only am I invited, I am apparently required to dress up too. Naturally I’ve left all the organising for this to the last minute, so I have to come up with a simple, easy idea for a costume very quickly. Making matters worse, judging from what my sister-in-law has told me about the standard of...
Tangled webs
A rather persistent spider keeps making a large, elaborate web in the same place in my backyard. My poor short term memory means that I often walk through her web while watering the garden in the evenings. Naturally I wasn’t paying attention again tonight and I ended up with strands of web all over me (thankfully sans angry spider).
It’s over four hours later and I’m still...
March 2011
1 post
Clouds, silver linings and all that
There’s supposed to be a super-moon but the last three nights have been really cloudy, so we haven’t been able to see it at all. The silver lining to all this was the relaxing sound of rain on the roof last night. I love a good summer shower.
I wonder if there’s an actual silver lining to the clouds. That is, if you’re flying above the clouds, would the light from the moon...
February 2011
3 posts
Walk in the rain
I don’t feel a thing
And I stopped remembering
…except this time it’s a huge relief.
(Movie still from Tokyo Gore Police, lyrics from Rain by Yoko Kanno)
Straw, camel's back, and all that.
The other morning I awoke to the sound of chainsaws. The annoying drone of a chainsaw is never a good thing early in the morning but this didn’t bode well since it seemed to originate from the direction of the huge palm tree in my neighbour’s yard. Sure enough, I later noticed that my view has gone from this:
and this:
To this:
It looks like they took out more trees than just...
Intergalactic planetary
Even though I’m not physically getting anywhere (in fact, I’d argue I’m going backwards), somehow it feels like there’s a universe of possibilities opening up in front of me. Unfortunately I don’t have the snazzy yellow spacesuit just yet.
Thank you to those awesome real-life okcupid astronauts (you know who you are) for reassuring me lately that I’m not crap...
January 2011
2 posts
I need an oasis
This is the view across my backyard:
The enormous palm tree over the fence, along with the Arabic-speaking neighbours, is a nice touch.
I need an oasis: a break from my thoughts and my body.
It used to be the two of us against the world
Going to the beach when I’m down seems to be becoming a habit. Perhaps the fact that I keep going back means that it’s not working.
“We believe that faith is the cure that heals all troubles. Without faith there is no hope and no love. Faith comes before hope, and before love.”
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (Paul Torday)
This could be taken as a road map of sorts...
December 2010
4 posts
Blood gets in your eyes
The crimson thread; the thread of fate. You can’t see it but it binds us. Cut it and it will not part.
This movie (Ashura) is somehow vaguely reassuring, even though everyone dies at the end.
Conversations over the past few days have revived pleasant memories that perhaps should have remained dormant. It’s all a little too tortuous right now.
I’m going to pick a warm...
"Take her darkness, along with her name"
“Jealousy goes through many stages. All human emotions are like that. When it’s not so serious, people call it fretting or envy. There are differences in intensity, but most people experience those less intense emotions as a matter of course.”
…
“In cases of intense jealousy, things aren’t so simple. With jealousy a parasite takes root in your heart, and as...
Devastated
I had to do it. Didn’t I? I still don’t know what the right thing to do is. Why do I feel so terrible? (not to mention so completely heartbroken)
November 2010
4 posts
There's two sides to every story
Many years ago, something occurred that had implications for how I view the world. Given that I’m a little slow to extract lessons from some events, it has taken some time for it to seep into my mind.
I used to work with a guy (let’s call him ‘H’). Even though we used to spend a lot of time together, I hesitate to call H a friend because we rarely connected on anything but...
Not-so-subliminal messages
I wonder if the universe has been trying to tell me something. Every TV show I watched tonight had shallowness, lying and cheating as the central themes. Even “Peep Show” touched on this, but in a very unique and amusing way:
Sophie: [while shopping, holds up t-shirt with Chairman Mao on the front] What about this?
Mark: You do know who that is, don’t you?
S: Chairman Mao,...
A funny thing happened at the pathologist...
Given that the line about my veins on my profile seems to spark a few emails, I guess people are actually interested in this topic. So here’s a pointless and punchline-free story about what an hour in the life of someone with great veins is like:
A few days ago, I had to have my blood taken yet again for more tests. The pathology place conveniently has a collection centre not far from my...
A Heart in Winter
I like a lot of things associated with winter: coats, scarves, hats, muscat after dinner, listening to the rain on the roof, gloomy, quiet days, the touch of a cold nose on my cheek as she reaches up to kiss me.
The one thing I love the most is walking alongside her. Our arms bump together gently as we walk and her hand is in my coat pocket, holding my hand.
The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse: Mediocrity
Last night I discovered that Smirnoff are now selling a vodka and cranberry mix in a box.
Exhibit A:
Ugh, how crass. I guess it’s just another attempt to remove the ‘nasty’ flavour from alcohol so idiots can get wasted even more quickly.
(As an aside, this reminds me an old flatmate who took great delight in going into liquor shops and asking the shop assistant for...
October 2010
5 posts
Wisdom from Johnnie Walker (no, not that one)
“You have to look!” Johnnie Walker commanded. “That’s another one of our rules. Closing your eyes isn’t going to change anything. Nothing’s going to disappear just because you can’t see what’s going on. In fact, things will be even worse the next time you open your eyes. That’s the kind of world we live in, Mr. Nakata. Keep your eyes wide open. Only a coward closes his eyes....
I think I want coffee
“Want some coffee?”
No reply.
So I got up and went over to grind coffee for two cups. It occurred to me after I ground the coffee that what I really wanted was ice tea. I’m forever realising things too late.
(A Wild Sheep Chase, Haruki Murakami)
But I’ll never sleep if I have coffee now.
Conversations about hope
Recent conversations have my mind bubbling over so it’s time to get the words out of my brain and onto the page. I’m not at all well-equipped to write about this topic. Hope is not something I’ve studied or thought about a lot so I doubt I have any insights that people won’t have heard before. Perhaps I should have spent some time studying philosophy or theology rather than...
What I'm looking for
I don’t want to have to settle. I don’t want a relationship that is mundane, routine or even comfortable but lacking in passion.
I want someone who I’m completely head-over-heels crazy about. Most importantly I want someone who returns that fire, passion and longing for me. I want someone who yearns for, adores and desires me. I want to be able to feel like I could do anything...
Intent versus outcome
Why do people (particularly on this site) assume that my political allegiances lean a particular way? Just because I like similar books, films and art, they also seem to feel that my political beliefs should be the same as theirs.
Perhaps what is worse is that they assume that those who vote differently to them are somehow evil, cold-hearted or callous. Indeed, many people on their side of...
September 2010
3 posts
It's not you, it's me.
I’ve been swapping emails with a friend all night. She’s distraught because she thought she’d met an interesting, funny, nice, and most importantly, single guy on the weekend. However, she got an email from his girlfriend today asking what had happened between them a few nights ago. That’s sure to kill your faith in people. Why would a guy do something like that? What the...
Murakami always says it better than I ever could
“It feels like ancient history,” said Naoko. “But anyway, sorry about last night. I don’t know, I was a bundle of nerves. I really shouldn’t have done that after you came here all the way from Tokyo.”
“Never mind,” I said. “Both of us have a lot of feelings we need to get out in the open. So if you want to take those feelings and smash...
Shaky aisles
Earlier tonight, I came across a profile from someone that said she’d like to meet a guy in the ‘cereal isle’ (sic) of her local supermarket. Misspelling aside, meeting someone in a supermarket is a cute sentiment. It would be great to lock eyes with someone over a bag of coffee beans and just know that they’re the one.
I do like the term ‘cereal isles’ though...
August 2010
1 post
Lies, damn lies and.. an open message to all liars
What is it with liars? Why do so many people I meet online turn out to be liars? Most importantly, why do people lie in the first place?
Mainly, people seem to lie so they don’t have to tell others the truth because it may be unpalatable or hurtful. Generally liars have low self-esteem because they’re always incredibly afraid that the people around them will leave them if they speak...
July 2010
3 posts
Pretending that everything's ok...
…is a bad habit. I tend to do a lot. In fact, I’m doing it right now.
People say that I’m strong, but I think I’m just good at hiding it.
The following is a story I would never have admitted to a few weeks ago, but a new best friend has given me the courage to put it out there (although I’m still wimping out by making this post only available to some to see).
Last...
Sicksicksick
It feels like my head is in two places right now.
In some ways, it probably is. Urgh.
I haven’t been able to sleep much at all lately and, when I do, I am feverish and have nightmares. All that time not spent sleeping isn’t healthy since it gives my mind way too much time to stew. The latest question on my mind:
Should you treat other people the way you would like to be treated?...