I once had a girl,
Or should I say, she once had me.
An old highschool girlfriend asked me to see Iron Man 3 with her last month. Not long into the movie, she laughed. Until that moment, I’d completely forgotten the sound of her laugh (she has a cute and distinctive giggle) but it sounded unchanged from over 20 years ago.
Hearing her laugh through the movie took me back to being 17 again. Back then, I had few adult responsibilities, no worries about the future, no health concerns and we both simply enjoyed sharing the company of another happy, optimistic, young person.
When choosing a username, it is important to realise that while most people like a ‘fun_girl’ and perhaps even a ‘fun_gal’, many will not be so appreciative of a ‘fungal’.
…you might just get it.
When pondering what might have been, it’s worth remembering the above. You may be in a far unhappier situation had you got what you wanted a few years ago.
#45: You are overjoyed to receive a gift of virtual bacon from your pretend wife in an online RPG.
You know the ones. They simply say something like “hi, how are you?”
Over the years, I’ve created what is probably an overly long, rambling profile. Despite its flaws, anyone who is interested in me should be able to find a point of interest in it to craft a short email around. The email definitely doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, but a thoughtful few sentences which demonstrate they’ve read my profile and identified some common ground grants a lot of kudos.
But, instead, people just fall back on “how are you?”
Here’s some advice, this is what will happen if you use this opener or similar:
[Them]: Hi, how are you?
[Me]: Fine thanks. How are you?
[Them]: Fine thanks.
Many years ago, I met someone here. She was (and still is) gorgeous, warm, funny, talented and entertaining. Of course, this was too good to be true, unfortunately she was also married.
We’d email constantly during the day. She would send me the beautiful photographs she had been working on and tantalise me with descriptions of the meals she was making. I’d regale her with stories of work — the antics of idiot bureaucrats and their policies of unintended consequences.
In the evenings, we’d watch the same terrible movies (usually something with Arnold Schwarzenegger) and compare notes via email or she’d text me and we’d meet up a local bar/cafe halfway between my place and hers for their bad coffee and pie.
She never told her husband she was meeting me which made me feel somewhat guilty but I figured it was her issue to deal with.
There was an undercurrent of flirting in her interactions with me. It was incredibly flattering to have the attention of this amazing woman but I was also uncomfortable because the thought that she was married was always in the back of my mind. In spite of my reluctance, the flirting did cross the line at times.
I knew that I would fall completely head over heels for her if I let it happen, but I also knew that I would be the one that would have ended up being hurt because in a competition between me and her husband and kids, I would (quite rightly) always lose. Perhaps the walls that I put up attracted her even more?
Eventually she stopped all contact. Many months later she told me she’d confessed to her husband that she’d been hanging out with me and had felt guilty. I’ve tried to email her many times in the years that have passed but have never got a reply. She comments occasionally on my statuses on Facebook and we swapped information about health issues recently but that is the extent of our contact ever since.
I really miss her friendship. She was often there to talk to when I was incredibly sick (and she wasn’t put off by it), she was fun, positive and her creativity inspired me. I really don’t understand what she was looking for in me, and I understand even less about what happened after that.
I just miss her.
So, this was supposed to be a cathartic exercise. Feel better yet?
So far in 2013, I’ve felt quite invulnerable when it comes to people.
However I let my guard down earlier in the week. But no longer. My shields are up, the walls are built, I’ve donned my armour and nothing will get through.
In particular, headless kamikazes, zombie stockbrokers, rhino cybertoys and Onan the Librarians are getting nowhere.
As someone who has been single for a reasonably long length of time, I can generally understand why some single people loathe being around couples. However, I don’t join in this loathing because most of my friends are in relationships (indeed some friends are coupled to other friends) and they never make me feel like a third wheel.
That said, there’s one thing that really annoys me about some couples. Many people seem to chose to become incredibly lazy and less self-reliant once they find themselves in a relationship. Don’t you hate it when one half of a couple yells “Honey, have you seen my keys?” at their partner (who is usually at the other end of the house and would have no idea where their keys are) instead of just looking for them themselves?
Or what about the situation when you go out to dinner with a couple and both have not brought enough cash to cover their meals because they both thought their partner would have organised to bring some money? One couple of my acquaintance even locked themselves out of their house because they both assumed the other would bring their keys (and neither did!) when they went out for a coffee.